Razor Oil

I did something yesterday that is so frigging trivial it's scary, but made me so amazingly happy that I have to write about it.

I spent $2.27 on oil for my hair clippers.

It all started about four years ago when I gave in to my baldness and -- following Glenn's lead -- started cutting my hair very short. Not shaved, just a half inch or so. You don't need to be a barber for that, so we bought some hair clippers at Sears for $30 and I've been cutting my own hair pretty much ever since -- Stella helps with the bits I can't see/reach.

Anyway, time passes and it occurs to me that I'm out of oil for the clippers, so I make a mental note to get some more. Another year or so passes and I make a more forceful mental note. Almost a year ago, I created a folder on my desktop reminding me to do something about this "soon". I've seen it every day I've been at my computer for almost a year.

Having a lot of little incomplete tasks in your head is a little like having a messy bedroom. You can live with it, but there's this subtle pressure that builds over time. Finally in about September, the pressure behind this particular "to-do" item was too much to take. I obviously wasn't ever going to go out and buy this stuff because it was too trivial a task, so I'll make the oil come to me. I went on line, found an e-tailer that sold the stuff and ordered it. It was $4 and was going to cost me $25 (US) in shipping, but the $30 would be worth it if I could call that task done. Click went the order.

A couple of weeks later, UPS arrived at the door with a small box. I was slightly giddy. UPS guy gave me the box, and then said "There's a fifty dollar customs charge". (Insert sound of jaw hitting floor.) UPS guy showed me the invoice, which listed the contents of the box as "beauty supplies - flat iron, value $110". I gave UPS guy the feather-light box containing four ounces of oil: "Does that feel like a flat iron to you?"

I could swallow $40 (CAD) for some stupid oil, but not $90. I refused the package and got on the phone with the vendor to discuss the error. They said that they'd correct the error. Now, they could have done this by faxing a new invoice to UPS, but instead they elected to have the package travel back to Ohio (or wherever they were from) and just do up some new paperwork and re-ship it to me. This was more convenient for them because they didn't have a fax machine or something, and maybe more convenient for UPS because they didn't have to process any exceptional paperwork. Luckily, the only person inconvenienced was me, the sucker who's paying $40 for $5 worth of well-travelled oil.

So back it went. A week or so later, I got another email telling me that my order had been shipped. Time passes, my hair grows longer, work gets busy. I forget about the oil, which doesn't arrive. The issue drifts across my consciousness sometime in December 2004 and I check the UPS web site's tracking information. Guess what? My oil arrived and sat in the UPS facility for a week or so waiting for me to pick it up. Since I hadn't picked it up, it was being sent back to Indiana (or wherever it came from).

Pick it up? They didn't even try to deliver it or call me to tell me it was there.

"Forget about the clippers. I'll just pull it out myself."

Exchange emails with vendor. Stupid, stupid people. No response for days. This is followed by an apologetic email telling me that they're refunding my $30 because apparently they're idiots and it's costing them too much money to be idiots, so they're keeping the oil and pretending that I don't exist.

So today, I went down to the store and bought some oil. Then I had bubble tea. When I got home I cleaned and oiled the razor. I am so happy. Now all I have to do is delete that folder.